


You Could Have Been Mine

by novacorpsrecruit



Category: Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, peter parker is mentioned a lot because it's ben and he's always comparing himself to peter, tbh everyone is either in love with or wants to be peter so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 18:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14267067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novacorpsrecruit/pseuds/novacorpsrecruit
Summary: “I – It’s not me that you’re kissing ... It’s him, right? Peter?”alt. title: "spideytorch: the one where its ben"





	You Could Have Been Mine

**Author's Note:**

> When you talk to one of your friends and mention if Peter was in love with Johnny forever then uh ,,, chances are his clones are also in love with Johnny so here's Ben Reilly being in love with Johnny while Peter is busy being married

Spider-Man sat, perched on a fire escape looking up at the night sky. The city that never sleeps kept the stars at bay with its bright lights, leaving a faint glow gradient to the ever-dark blue. His attention focused on the fading flame letters that broke up the darkness.

“Meet me at the usual place”

The writing, vibrant in the sky only minutes before, was slowly dimming as the cold air extinguished the flames. He awkwardly played with the web shooters on his wrist, checking each and every cartridge as he hesitated. He knew he should start making his way to the Statue of Liberty. Hell, he _wanted_ to go. But he wasn’t sure if he should.

He didn’t know much about Spider-Man’s relationship with Johnny. He remembers them being friends – well, enemies at first. But he definitely remembers starting hanging out with Johnny and laughing. He remembers some part of him always needed to be better than Johnny, as if he was trying to prove himself. But what is their relationship like now? What happened in the last five years between them?

Should he trust Johnny enough to tell him that he’s not the same – that _Spider-Man_ is not the same person? Or will that lose any trust that Johnny had in him. He’s still the same Peter – no, he’s Ben.

He _was_ Peter, once before.

Before Miles Warren. Before the clones. Before –

No. That’s in the past.

Peter moved on. Retired. He and Mary Jane moved to Portland to become a normal couple. Normal. Ben could almost laugh at the thought of normality that he and his … _brother_ will never have. Before Peter left, he gave Ben Reilly his life back, the life that was truly his. But Ben could never return to being Peter. But he could return to being Spider-Man.

But if Ben wanted to return to his life, he needed to be reassured on who his friends are and who are his enemies. And he knows that Johnny is more likely to be an ally than anything else. He needed to re-establish that bond with him.

Once he got to the top of the Statue of Liberty, he could see Johnny sitting and waiting, casually setting his palms on fire as an anxious habit that clearly hasn’t died since Ben left.

“Hey, what’s up?” Ben asked, quickly changing his tone, once he saw Johnny’s face. He looked nervous, worried almost. “Is something wrong? You’re not growing a second head, are you?”

“No, I just –“ Johnny sighed. “Needed to ask you something.”

“Ask away –“

“Well, suggest something,” Johnny said, standing up. “It’s important but not that important I just – needed to talk to you.”

“So what’s the important not-so-important message you need to tell me?” Spider-Man asked. Johnny hesitated, as if he was trying to find the right words.

“We should … do friend stuff sometime,” Johnny said cautiously. He picked up his tone as he continued. “Like, get pizza. See a movie. Stuff that’s not just crime fighting.”

“So, you called me over here just to say we should hang out more?” Spider-Man asked. He gave a hardy laugh. “You realize these ferry rides cost money, right?”

Johnny stayed quiet, glancing away from Spider-Man. Ben shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I’m joking, Johnny,” Spider-Man said. “I stick to the side of the ferry. Or a helicopter when it’s available.”

Johnny kept his attention away from Spider-Man.

“Or a passing-by hero,” Ben leaned against the wall, continuing to beat the dead horse that was his joke. He knew something upset Johnny, maybe if he continued, he could pull a small laugh out. Or at least, a ‘Do you ever shut up?’ from Johnny. “Iron Man’s great. He’s like a regular New York taxi. Ask him to take you some place and he cusses you out and tells you that he’s doing you a favor and you owe him, big time. Honestly, it’s like someone forgot to teach him manners --”

Johnny closed the gap between them, crashing his lips against Spider-Man’s mask-covered lips. Ben felt his heart stop beating, unsure in this moment. He wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to enjoy this kiss. He wanted to feel Johnny against him. He wanted to feel _wanted_.

But … he couldn’t.

The most he could do for now, is let his hand gently rest on Johnny’s hip, hoping that Johnny wouldn’t stop. That Johnny would roll the mask up to his nose and kiss him again. But Johnny stops. Ben pressed his lips together, instantly missing Johnny.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny said, ridden with guilt. He shouldn’t have called Spider-Man here just to kiss him. The fact that he didn’t kiss back showed how he truly felt. “I shouldn’t have I just –“

“Johnny –“

“No I shouldn’t have done that –“

“It’s not that it’s just –“

“It’s just what?”

“It’s just he’s –“ married. “I mean –“ he’s gone. Peter’s gone. Moved. This is no longer his life. He gave it back to Ben. This is Ben’s life _again._ His life is in his control. There’s no more running away. No more hiding. Ben can live the life he wanted … so why couldn’t he say yes to Johnny? “I just … had a tough couple of days … _months_. Actually, the last few years were rough, too. I just … need time to think.”

“Time to think,” Johnny breathed.

“Yeah,” Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Just a little time.”

“So, don’t get my hopes up,” Johnny said, igniting himself. His facial expressions quickly became unreadable. “Got it.”

“Johnny –“

“What?” Johnny snapped, over the roars of his flames. “I get it. You don’t like me that way. So, we can just forget this whole thing ever happened.”

“It’s not like that,” Ben admitted quicker than he meant.

“Then what’s it like?” Johnny said, turning to face Spider-Man square on. His fire weakened, allowing Ben to see more of his face.

Before Ben could even process what he was doing, he pulled the mask off and pulled Johnny close, crashing their lips together again, extinguishing the Torch’s flames in an instant. Johnny barely had time to focus on Spider-Man’s identity as he gave in to the kiss and closed his eyes. Johnny had imagined his confrontation differently, but the kiss was everything that he dreamed of and more. But Spider-Man pulled away sooner than Johnny wanted.

“I just need time,” Ben said softly, his lips millimeters away from Johnny’s. “I’m still in the process of discovering myself again.”

“I can help you discover yourself,” Johnny breathed. He pressed his forehead against Ben’s, not fully wanting to pull away. But he knew he couldn’t stay like this forever, especially if Spider-Man wasn’t so sure on his feelings. Johnny pulled away, finally taking in the lack of a mask between them. He blinked. “Peter?”

Ben opened his mouth, quickly closing it. He forgot Johnny knew him. Johnny knew _Peter_. “I – I’m Ben.”

“You’re … Ben?”

Ben nodded. “Ben Reilly.”

“You just … look like a friend of mine,” Johnny said slowly, studying Ben’s face. Ben could close his eyes and still feel Johnny’s heavy stare go from his eyes to his jaw, to his crooked nose, to the Parker freckles, to his blonde hair, then back to his lips. Despite a few out-of-place beauty marks, Peter and Ben were almost identical. Johnny pressed his lips together, stepping back from Ben cautiously. This wasn’t a doppelganger situation. With Johnny, nothing is ever _that_ easily explained. “You … _really_ look like him. So what? Skrull? Alternate universe? Twin?”

“Is ‘twin’ a cop-out?” Ben joked. He ran his hand through his hair as he debated how much he should tell Johnny. “Would you believe me if I said clone?”

“Clone,” Johnny repeated.  “If I did, are you suggesting that Peter’s Spider-Man?”

“ _Was_ Spider-Man.”

It didn’t take long for Johnny’s expression to harden, narrowing his focus on Ben. “Where’s Peter?”

“Portland,” Ben said, with a twinge at his gut. “With his family.”

“Oh,” Johnny said, relaxing. “So you’re … Spider-Man now?”

Ben ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. “You got all day?”

Ben paced back and forth as he told Johnny everything – mostly, everything. Everything that was necessary.

He told Johnny about Gwen and Miles Warren – the Jackal – and the cloning experiments. He told him about the fight between him and his clone and how they saved Ned Leeds’ life. How Ben woke up alone and how he panicked about Mary Jane’s safety. How he glanced into his apartment’s window, to see Peter and Mary Jane together.

“I thought I was the clone,” Ben said, running his hand through his hair for the thousandth time. “That I had to leave before I ruined Peter and MJ’s life.”

“But you’re Peter – the _original_   Peter,” Johnny said, following along. Ben nodded.

“But I didn’t know that,” Ben explained. “The Jackal implanted the cloning memories into my mind so I would think that I was the clone. So I left the city.”

“But you’re back.”

“His … my aunt was sick,” Ben said. “I had to come back. The Jackal robbed me of five years of my life, robbed me the right to be by her bedside when she –“ Ben stopped short of the frustrations that surrounded Aunt May’s death. He should’ve been by her side. He should’ve been at her funeral. He should’ve been _there_. He sat down next to Johnny, focusing on Manhattan in the distance. “Peter wanted to be with Mary Jane, to raise his family in a safe environment. He wasn’t going to get that here in New York with the costume tucked away in the attic. He gave me back my life – gave me back _Spider-Man_. But he’s Peter, not me. Not anymore.”

The two sat in silence, looking out at the city and the dark sky. The city will never fully get to enjoy the peace and quiet that Ben and Johnny could enjoy from the top of the Statue of Liberty. The city never turned off, never slept. Always on, always going.   

“Ben?”

“Yeah, Johnny?”

“You still need time?”

“Yeah,” Ben laughed. “I’m still figuring out who Ben Reilly is in New York and if he’s different from Salt Lake City Ben Reilly.”

“Salt Lake City,” Johnny smirked. “So were you a –“

“I was not a Latter Day Saints missionary,” Ben said.

“I was going to say a Lakers fan,” Johnny said as a matter-of-fact.

“That’s Los Angeles,” Ben laughed. Johnny gave a soft smile, something about Ben’s laugh felt comforting, felt right. “We’re Jazz fans.”

“I’m taking about basketball not music,” Johnny laughed. Before Ben could correct him – or find the effort to – Johnny continued.

“I’ve always liked you,” Johnny admitted, catching Ben’s attention. “Even when you were a dorky high school student –“

“I wasn’t dorky –“

“The biggest dork,” Johnny groaned. “I mean, you’ve always been a pain in my ass but you grew on me.  It kind of made sense that Peter was – that _you_ were Spider-Man. Makes my two dumb crushes just one.”

“If it makes you feel better, it wasn’t until I saw you the other day that I realized how much I missed you,” Ben said softly.

“Ben?”

“Yeah, Johnny?”

This time, Johnny leaned in slowly, his hand on Ben’s jaw. Ben leaned in to the kiss, taking in the warmth of Johnny’s lips. Johnny was always warm – hot-blooded as a result of his power – but this kiss was something else. Like a blush, creeping over Ben, spreading from his lips to his cheeks. He could feel the warmth on the tip of his ears then down to his shoulders. A sweet kiss that felt different than a kiss from Gwen. Like a cup of hot cocoa on the first day of snow. Like a hot shower after a rough night of crime fighting.

Like … finally finding your way back home.

But, something didn’t seem right.

Ben pulled away from Johnny, leaving him puzzled.

“I – It’s not me that you’re kissing,” Ben said quietly. “It’s _him_ , right? Peter?”

Johnny pressed his lips together before nodding softly. “It’s just that – as a teen, I fell in love with you, but …”

“But what, Johnny?”

“But it’s Peter than I’m in love with,” Johnny sighed, leaning back from Ben. “It’s just – within the last year or so is when I realized I _liked_ Spider-Man. We’ve been closer. I can’t pretend that you’re _him_ , because you’re not.”

“I’m not,” Ben agreed softly, his tone carried a sense of guilt and jealousy. He should’ve known that Johnny and he couldn’t have something normal. That’s just not their lives. “Peter. He’s –“

“Married,” Johnny said. “I … I know.”

The two sat quietly, Johnny pulled his knees to his chest as Ben leaned back, staring upward into the dark sky, waiting for the other to speak first. Or for an alien invasion.

Whichever came first.

"Ben?"

He turned to look at Johnny, expecting to meet his eyes, but Johnny kept his attention away from Ben.

"If you ... " Johnny trailed off, unsure if he wanted to finish his question. He looked up at Ben, breath caught in his throat as he saw Peter in him. Peter's dark doe eyes and his bed-like head, hair wild from his fingers. Ben's roots were starting to grow out, not enough to look bad, but enough that Johnny noticed. Enough that Johnny could see Peter in him. Ben's steady focus on Johnny only hurt him, as he pictured Peter beside him, Peter _kissing_ him. He knew where he wanted his question to go, but he was afraid of the answer. Either way, he knew it wasn't important. Peter was married to a beautiful woman -- to _Mary Jane_. No matter what the answer was, it wasn't going to change that fact. "If you liked me, does that mean that he ... that Peter ...?"

The hanging question hurt deep in Ben's chest. Ben would always be second to Peter.

"I ... I don't know Johnny," Ben closed his eyes and leaned back. "You think ... you think he would. I mean, I was gone for so long and seeing you was like ... a breath of fresh air."

"And you were in Utah," Johnny said, attempting to joke, but somber in tone. "You had fresh air in wide open plains."

"Utah has mountains, Johnny," Ben said. "And Salt Lake City has terrible pollution."

"A reason not to go to Utah," Johnny said plainly, returning his attention to the city below. 

A few more minutes past before Ben spoke up again.

“There’s another,” Ben said, breaking the silence. “Clone, I mean.”

“Another?”

“Kaine,” Ben said, nodding. “He’s tried to kill me. Several times.”

“Why?” Johnny laughed. There was something in Ben’s tone that made murdering clones sound like it was the norm.

“I honestly have no idea,” Ben smiled.

“Clones,” Johnny breathed. “Just the Parker Luck at it again, huh?”

“Yeah,” Ben laughed. “Parker Luck.”

“C’mon, Reilly,” Johnny said, standing up. He extended his arm down to Ben. “Put on your mask. Let's go find some crime and punch out our frustrations.”

“Better than talking about it,” Ben smiled, taking Johnny’s hand. “I need a lift back to Manhattan, and I forgot my wallet at home.”

Johnny made a noise that was something between a laugh and a groan. “You owe me, big time.”

“That’s what the team up’s for,” Ben grinned as he slipped on the mask. “I’m an expensive partner.”

“Good to know, I guess.”


End file.
